About tracy trudges

Recently, I started capturing many of the things I heard in the years I’ve been sober. Some have had a profound impact on how I see the world. Some make me laugh. I take them all and create things I would wear, use, or give to a friend. 

So the name of the website? Who doesn’t love alliteration? Sally sells seashells, blah blah, blah….But more than that, tracy trudges references something I learned in my recovery journey. When I first read “...as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 2001) I thought it was oddly written and should say “to” Happy Destiny. At that time I had an incorrect belief that happiness was someplace I would arrive to, a state of being that would happen if all the right criteria were in place. I was about 3 or 4 years sober when I heard it again for the first time. If you are on it too, you know “the Road” is this sobriety journey, the daily application of a set of principles that result in a sober life. This journey is my “Happy Destiny” and it is happening all of the time and everywhere along this road. If I am not seeing or experiencing happiness, I may need a perspective change. Often, that lack of perspective is an indicator of how well I am (or am not) working the principles that I learned from the Big Book. Of course, sometimes, life is hard and sucky or “in session” as we say. I am not going to feel happy all the time. I am human. So perseverance is needed. That’s the trudge. 

I looked up the definition of trudge online. Learning to look up definitions is a sobriety gift my friend Kathy gave me. I didn't find the commonly used “to walk with purpose.” 

I found…

Wiktionary: Original meaning "to walk using snowshoes."

• Merriam-Webster: “to walk or march steadily and usually laboriously.”
• Oxford-English dictionary: “to walk laboriously, wearily, or without spirit, but steadily and persistently”
• Cambridge dictionary: “to walk slowly with a lot of effort, especially over a difficult surface or while carrying something heavy.”

OK, I am overthinking this, but here’s how I see it. Life ebbs and flows. Sometimes it is hard, painful. Quickly, it changes to be beautiful and joyous. Life is never personal. I am a small participant in the grand, elegant scheme of things. My hope today is to be present for it all, putting one foot in front of the other, even when the Road is difficult and the load is heavy when I am weary and the work is hard. I never trudge alone these days sometimes despite my best hermit-like efforts. I know the gifts of sobriety are infinite. I have sampled a few which keeps me coming back. 

-tracy

 

 

Alcoholics Anonymous (2001). New York City: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services.